ribble_mp (ribble_mp) wrote,

11:00 AM, October 6th 2012

*The werewolf situation is now officially out of hand. It was bad enough when Nigel just had to sit outside Mandelson's cell and listen to vaguely threatening remarks and the occasional growl. It was much, much worse when he discovered the contraption in the basement, with its tubes of blood and its bone keyboards and the human skull sitting on top of the biscuit tin. It's clear that Mandelson's working the blackest of black magic, right there in the heart of Parliament, and it's equally clear that he's put some spell on John so that the Speaker can't see it for what it is.*

*But now Mandelson is crying. Nigel could just about cope with the Prince of Darkness- no, that's a lie, he couldn't cope at all; he's gone down two belt holes since he started guarding the werewolf- but he definitely, definitely can't cope with Peter Mandelson crying himself to sleep. He doesn't want to feel sorry for Mandelson. Mandelson is horrible. It's not fair that he should have to feel sorry for him.*

*And to make matters worse they're going to lose the next election and Cameron has no idea what to do. Nigel wants there to be a Conservative government, a proper Conservative government, not this cobbled together mess of a coalition, but that prospect looks ever more remote. And dammit, Nigel likes the people who are probably going to lose their seats in 2015. Sitting in the Speaker's Chair one gets to know everyone, albeit as a spectator rather than a friend, and he's going to miss them.*

*He has to leave for Conference this afternoon and he feels sick just thinking about it. And he can't even talk about it with anyone because he's a Deputy Speaker and he's meant to be impartial. It's at times like these that he thinks about how nice it would be to have a partner to come home to, someone to confide in, someone to cuddle up to at night when he's feeling miserable and scared. But he hasn't. There's just him, all alone with horrible poll numbers and werewolves and God only knows what else.*
Tags: scary labourites, scary werewolves, speakerly duties, wizardry
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